A class action lawsuit was filed today on behalf of the customers of the Two-Up Tool Company. The suit, alleging reckless disregard for human life, has been filed on behalf of the families due to the large number of deaths and terrible accidents caused by the company’s products.
The company, known for its multi-tasking products which combine the functionality of two common houshold tools into one super-useful item, had no comment about the suit, but insists that its tools are not dangerous if used in a manner consistent with their labeling.
The largest group of plaintiffs were purchasers of Two-Up Tool’s Waffle Iron Crimper, which could be used to crimp hair and to make waffles. Several people claimed to be badly burned by the tool when they confused the crimper attachment for the waffle iron. A few people tried to use the waffle iron element to both crimp their hair and make waffles at the same time, resulting in horrifying waffles which tasted of burnt hair, in addition to disfiguring burns, and in at least one case, the loss of an eye.
Other members of the class were purchasers of the Toastin’ Toilet, a toilet which could also be used to make toast. In some instances, the electrical element, if in operation when the person flushed, occasionally resulted in electrocution. Two-up Tool insists that the product includes multiple warnings about operating the toilet flush while the element is active.
Early reviews of the Toastin’ Toilet were far from positive. Reviewers cited concerns over basic hygene, writing that a toilet that produced food could not possibly be made safe. They also indicated that the idea of an electrical item near a water-powered device was a doomed idea.
Minor injuries, such as sliced hands, have been reported by users of the hand juicer/paring knife. One death has been attributed to the mandolin/blender tool, which can be used to slice produce, and frappe fruit. In this case, the mandolin blade vibrated out of its housing and flew into the neck of a user, who died of blood loss.
The suit was filed more than a year after the first deaths, the cunctation being attributed to the sheer embarrassment of the victims, who didn’t wish to admit they had fallen victim to injury after purchasing such a ridiculous items as the Toastin’ Toilet and the Waffling Waffler.
cunctation (kunk – TAY – shun ) noun. Latin. delay, procrastination